Thursday, 26 December 2013

It's weird how one person can change your whole mood for the rest of the day!.. It started out ok at least.. 

Tuesday, 17 December 2013

Philosophy lesson!

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

Sunday, 8 December 2013


Being away with my girlfriend in London was beautiful! It was literally perfect! The London eye and the London dungeons and winter wonderland and finished it all off with an Indian at home :) lovelllyyyyy!!! She is amazing!

Monday, 25 November 2013

Things go wrong so you appreciate them when they go right

I slept too early! I had the worst back pain after playing drums today! Have no idea why, must have been slouching or pulled it, Anyways.. I'm now really awake annoyingly.. I let my girlfriend down because I said I may come and see her but it was too painful to move and I passed out while texting her :/ and she'll wake up tomorrow and be mad at me :( sorry Ess!
I looked back on my past tonight. Looking at how little I meant to certain people. How times and feelings change. And how young and naive I was. But it showed me how incredible my life with my girlfriend is now! I literally wouldn't change a thing! We all have phases in our life's which looking back now we wish we could, not so much skip over, as everything that happens makes us who we are today but just forget happened because it means nothing in our lives now! I wish I could go back and be like "dude in a few years time you're going to be so fucking happy with a beautiful girl named Essie May Quinnell" but I guess life is just one big adventure
We all have a past, and things look so different now we look back with the lights on.
Anyway.. enough. It's 3 am and I should be asleep! But I just want to talk to her! She'll be asleep and angry!!! Wahhhh I love her x

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Last night

Got called a physco last night! Wasn't too much fun! My attitude is gunna start changing.. Fuck it, if you don't like what I do, or who I am then don't pretend! I'm gunna be me! Going to try and be more blunt about it! I can be anyone else, if you don't like it then that's not my problem :)
In other stories, I watched the film with ess, and it wasn't so bad :) very long and I was real tired. But it was a nice evening with her :) happy Matty

Friday, 22 November 2013

computer post

hey... so, my name is Matthew. I haven't blogged on a computer for AGGGESSS! so im just in my room, listening to music. I came on here to look at old posts. I feel this blog got very soppy and stuff ever since i've had a girlfriend! i've never been in love OKKAYY! wouldnt change anything! this is the place i come and speak aload of bullshit mainly to myself.. but it makes me feel better sometimes. i can look back and remember exactly how i felt on that day or whatever. Tonight im going to the cinema. im gunna be watching a film which i would never have chosen to see but Ess wants to see it, and i want to make her happy.. she does do so much for me! and i know her film choice is always so terrible, but i will give this one a chance! :D
i just checked my phone and i have the prettiest picture of her as my background!!! aww :) sooooooo...fvkjbnerkojv;neao;. i should probs go shower of something. i like typing though.
My band is writing another record! its going to be rad! we've demo'd a few songs already and i'm excited! i hope everyone who hears it, loves it!.... thats all i have to say right now... bye

Saturday, 26 October 2013

I've felt scared, I've felt angry, I've felt shaken up, I've felt lonely, I've felt sick, I've felt tired.. And now I feel happy

Thursday, 17 October 2013

When you're not around

When I miss you and you're not here I look at pictures of you before I sleep, it makes me feel better looking at you!

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

My stoopid head

I really do hate my head sometimes.. I make myself feel like crap about stuff in the past and trying to find everyway to prove that she doesn't love me because I just don't believe someone could! I'm so happy we are in love with each other! And I don't want to ruin it! I trust when she tells me she loves me! I hate how I make it her job to make me feel better when I do it all the time. She'll get fed up and leave me! I'm trying so hard to not let it affect me this time! She loves me right now. And I love her! And that's what really matters

Sunday, 6 October 2013

Something's I need to learn!

The past is something that's happened. Something that cannot be changed. It's unfair to hold someone against their past. We do stupid shit that makes us the people we are now. We learn from mistakes. I need to learn that right now, the moment I'm living is what's important. I can't take out my over-thinking on something that's happened on the people I love! I have learnt that i can get so stubborn sometimes, and I normally need a little while on my own to realise what I'm doing. I have people around me who try and do the best for me. And I'm so caught up on the past it ruins all the good things I have. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry :( I'm not a bad person. I need you.

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

I'm so lucky to have her in my life :)

My weekendndn

Spending the whole weekend with my girlfriend was beautiful, this weekend we when to an Italian restaurant, we went to the zooo, we had Chinese and then yesterday we went to rox in Bognor which was fun :) in conclusion I had a rad weekend :) bye


We all feel low at times in our life, some people turn to suicide for the relief of the pain they are suffering. Some people can't cope with life, and they see more negatives than positives. Whatever pain you are going through, you can get through it. How ever you found this page I want to help.
Suicidal thoughts can be scary.! A massive weight on your shoulders that seems like you cant get rid of it! you're tired of trying and think suicide is the only way to get rid of it. You think, what's the point in living. you may feel guilty about something, or scared and alone. You may think you are unneeded, unloved and blame yourself for everything.. You may even hate your appearance, how you look. Your body, your face. You may feel you haven't lived up to everyones expectations and are letting people down. Everything gets on top of you. You wish you didn't exist anymore because then you wouldn't have to deal with it all. You feel like shit, and everything feels like its getting worse. You get more depressed at the smallest of things. You feel horrible talking about it, it makes you upset even thinking about talking to family or friends about your feelings so you keep it inside, and it just builds up.
So life seems pretty shit? It can't get better than how it is now?.. If you end your life now.. Then you wouldn't know what could happen? Maybe things can be looked at differently? It may seem hard at the time.. But start looking at the positive things in life. Your family and friends will always stick with you. If you think leaving them would make them feel better, it won't! The impact on friends and family is devastating and can last forever! Suicide is a very selfish thing to do. If you are religious it says in the bible that suicide sends you straight to hell. You have a future! You don't need to hurt yourself for people to notice you need them! Talk to the people closest to you! This will help your situation! A problem shared is a problem halved! Things will get better if you atleast try. Plan for the future, set your self challenges. Adventures! Be happy for the things you have how ever small. There are people who care about you! I care enough to write this for you! So however bad things are now, you can make a difference and change it! I hope I helped!

Monday, 8 July 2013

My weekendddd

My weekend was literally perfect! The weather was amazing! And I got to spend the whole time with my girlfriend! We went and had the day at the beach at wittering which was amazing! We went into the sea together and then when we walked along the beach back to the car we drove to harvester to eat loads! Then we woke up the next day and went to a pond not so far from here, which was beautiful! We then went out to a pub for food with her family :) I loved this weekend.. It felt like we were already on holiday :) I love the time I spend with her! Makes me so happy I have someone like her!

Saturday, 29 June 2013

My lesson of life

One thing I've learnt over the last few months about relationships is they don't run smoothly, at first you think it's a bad thing but I think in a weird way it's a very naturally healthy thing! And without problems I don't think the relationship is as good as it can be. We need problems to realise who cares for us.. Everyone has their ups and downs... And what I've realised is its not how bad the problem is but how you overcome it. You understand that you are in every situation together. It's how you deal with it which make you realise that, that's what being in a relationship is about. Being there for each other to support them for whatever reason. We are in this together!

Thursday, 27 June 2013

My biggest fear, is loving someone who would rather love someone else and me holding on to something that isn't there



So I am now home from touring Indonesia with my band! And although I had an exciting adventure playing to thousands of people the other side of the world and seeing them sing our fucking words was unreal! But OMG I have missed home! Indonesia is such a poor country and you don't really understand what it's like an how different and lucky we are until you go out there! It was such an experience and I'm glad I got the opportunity! I missed everyone at home! Seeing my girlfriend when I got back made me smile so much, I really tried not too! I thought nah ill be cool about it.. And be like sup? But I just was so happy to see her again I just smiled and looked like a nob! The best feeling in the world though! Anyways my break at work has finished..... IM BACK ENGLAND!

Monday, 3 June 2013

I will never ever understand what people see in me! I'm so lucky to have her!!!!!!!

Friday, 17 May 2013

My Friday night

I couldn't even describe how incredible standing by the sea as the sun disappeared and the horizon glowing orange from the city lights was. I was alone, no one around me for what seemed like hundreds of miles away, there was no wind, no crashing waves.. It was so peaceful. I stayed there for about three and a half hours. Pictures will never show what it felt like. It was warm, I literally could have stay on the beach for the whole night. It's the best place to go whenever something is on my mind. It's not always the best choice to runaway for a couple of hours, but I didn't have a choice tonight.. I asked myself alot of questions. And I realised a few things. My doubts about certain things stopped. I'm lucky, so lucky for everything I have. Sometimes we all forget to appreciate the little things. We always think of what ifs? When really we just need to live. We get one chance at life! Fuck feeling upset about stupid stuff! I just wanna enjoy my life, live it how I want. I wanna make the people around me feel the same! We all fuck up from time to time! We are human. I have a good life. It has its ups and downs, but at the end of the day I have everything I want, and I never wanna let go or forget what I have! Somethings are meant to last!

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

The sunset

Last night was perfick :) me and my girlfriend went to the marina which is where we had our first kiss, we sat and watched the sunset so peacefully, not worrying and just watching the sun slowly disappear and show the stars! it was beautiful, so so pretttty!
Before going home we sat under the stars at the beach, it was warm enough to just lay there in each others arms on a blanket listening to the waves crashing and watching the satellites and planes fly over our heads :) I love our relationship! I love how we spontaneously do just the little things! Which make really good memories! We finished our night with McDonalds... Yes.... Romantic... I know :) anyway, I've just got back from work and I'm a little tired, so I think imma have a warm shower, hot chocolate and an early night :)

Friday, 3 May 2013

Biggest fear: not being as good as an ex

And spiders and bridges.... They can do one!

How do you know you love someone?

When you wake up in the morning and check your phone to see if they've left you a message during the night! And when they do having a feel of excitement rush through your body that wakes you up quicker than anything else! They are the person who you fall asleep thinking about! The person who you could never want to hurt! You miss them even tho it's been less than a day! But more importantly when you put their needs before your own! Their happiness is more important than your pain! When you really love someone you're willing to give it your all. And you'll know when you are!

Thursday, 2 May 2013

When she smiles I melt inside

The things I miss

I wish I were still in Germany with my girlfriend! I had literally the best time of my life with her over there! Nothing got in the way! The weather was lovely. we stayed in an apartment in Munich, it was pretty close to the main strip and just by the river! We went out to see my brother. His apartment was just a few miles away. It's really clean and friendly in germaland, I literally had the best time and wish I could go back there!
I just got back from tour! Which was incredible! Probably the best tour I've been on! The shows were way better and we actually made some money, and many new fans :) I loved it! As much as I want to be on the road I miss the people closest to me! I hate hate hate being away from my girlfriend! I hate putting her through me being away! It's not fair! As much fun as I had being on tour coming back and seeing her was amazing! Going to Germany after just made me realise how much I missed her! She is beautiful bless her :) I really really do appreciate having someone like her being around me! Even if people don't see it from the outside, I've learnt not to care what people thinkkkkkkk :) all that matters is we make each other happy!
This last month has been busy but I will always remember how much fun I've had!

It's been a while

Haven't left anything here in ages! It's way over due as there has been a lot of things thats happened recently! A big post soon I thinksss

Sunday, 14 April 2013

This has no title... Oh wait I guess now it does?

I hate how I have to constantly live up to someone else you know? Weather it be my brother or an ex or anything like that. It's like yeah I may not be very smart or exactly how you want me to be, but I'm still me a person with feelings. I'm not that person, so why do I have to follow there footstep? I'm not as good as that person so fuck it! Right up the bum..

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

The girl i kissed on the marina

I miss her

I miss the cuddles, I miss her smile, I miss her dumb jokes, I miss her smell, I miss her eyes, I miss her voice, I miss our personal jokes, I miss her warmth when I'm in bed on my own, I miss her company, I miss how she looks at me right after she kisses me, I miss her taste, I miss our weirdness when we are together....
I realise everytime I'm not with her how much I appreciate her being with me.. There is no one else I want next to me! I hate when we are apart, I get sad. And Im sometimes blunt or say the wrong thing when really all I want is her arms around me and to be able to look in her eyes and realise everything is perfect again! I want her to trust me! There is no one I want other than her. Being with other people makes me realise how special the person I have is to me! I'm so lucky to have her!

Thursday, 21 February 2013


I have fallen asleep to this the last couple nights! :) it helps me forget about everything!

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

I never know how to start these. I always seem to write them late at night! Im currently laying in bed, on my own feeling pretty damn cold!!
I had a lovely perfect night last Friday! Me and my beautiful Essie went for a Chinese.. I've never been a lover of Chinese food, but I know it's her favourite. I wanted to treat her as she does so much for me! It was lovely, surprisingly good :D (new Chinese lover).. After our meal we went for a drive. We drove to the marina, which is where we had our first kiss. We sat on the edge with our feet in the water looking across at the boats. We sat there talking about everything, having a laugh. Talking to the ducks and looking into the sky :) as we left she pulls me towards her. It was the same spot about 3months ago where we kissed. We kissed again, but it wasn't a normal kiss.. It was built up through the whole night, and when we did it felt like it was for the first time again :) it was such a perfect night :)) she makes me so happyyyy
You can never know what another person is thinking.. I am always comparing myself to her ex's or people she was seeing before me. Maybe I'm not as good as them, am I jealous? I don't know! I read stuff about how she misses certain things.. What if I miss her more than she misses me!
Right now though I wouldn't change a thing :)
I had a dream the other night about my nan, which made me miss her.I miss my nan.. She was fucking rad! She died a couple years ago. She was scared of making a fuss and would never see the doctor. It was horrible to see someone who you grew up knowing, wanting to see all the time slowly die. She was the kindest nicest person ever (but then everyone says that right?) she would always go out of her way to do something for someone. I would go up and see her, or do something like paint the fence or something like that and before I'd go she would always try and give me money to 'get something nice with', and when she did I'd always leave it somewhere in her house because I could never except it aha :) before I'd go she would be a typical nan "do you want an ice cream before you go?" "no thank you nan" "ok I'll get you two....... And here's a coke" ahah she gave to about 12 charities! And was always leaving some of her food for the animals she feed. The birds, the squirrels, the horses, the dogs, the fox's.. She used to let me and my brother stay up till one in the morning so we could go see the fox that came to her everynight! I used to love it as a kid!
My band played three dates, the I.o.w butserfest in petersfeild and Guildford the day after.. The I.o.w show was so rad, didn't get the ferry back in time because Callum wanted chicken! So we left at 4 in the morning and we were on stage at 12pm the next day... We played the show which was so fun, it was a long day... I get to my car and I look at a message from my mum saying I didn't want to ruin your day but we are at the hospital.. I drove back in silence thinking about everything, I had two of my friends with me, and they didnt know. I dropped them off, and drove like crazy to the hospital.. I met my mum, we then walked through the hospital corridors until I see my dad sitting around a bed, my brother and grandad were there. As I looked at my nan struggling with every breath I just broke down.. I didn't care who was around me, I just broke down crying. I ran out to the corridor where my mum came and sat with me. We talked about everything. She told me to be brave and go and say my last goodbye to her as she might not make it through the night. I wanted to be there by her side. It got later and later in the morning.. I had such a long day. I went back to my car and cried myself to sleep on the back seats.. My brother came out and said we should go home. There was nothing anyone could do!.. The next thing I know is I wake up and my dad said, she's gone and as he goes to walk out of my bedroom he starts to cry, he didn't want anyone to see, he didn't want to make my grandad feel any worse so before walking out of my room he wiped his tears and hid his emotion. I didnt know what to do! My nan! Id never get to see her again! I still had to play a show in the evening, I wanted to cancel.. But my mum said I should and it would help with taking my mind off it. I played the show thinking about her, trying not to cry too much on stage. I miss her.... I dreamt about her the other night and woke up in my own tears. Weirdest experience of my life!!
We all have someone we miss. 
 You can shed tears that she is gone, 
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, 
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.


Thursday, 24 January 2013

Ignore this

I really haven't been myself lately, you know when you just get those days where you're just feeling... Like blurgh, and all you wanna do is drive as if youre trying to get away from something just for 5 minutes.. But it doesnt help because you know that you have to face it or come back to it you know? You end up recklessly driving not caring if you were to crash. Maybe it's just me.
I have good and bad days, like everyone.. I'm normally a happy person! But today was a pretty bad day..  I'm in a band.. And i feel that everything is slowing down, we aren't booking much up.. Everything that is getting close falls through the last minute. We have the shittiest luck! We play as much as we can for as little as petrol money. I love playing. Literally love playing my drums to people i want to be able to play for the rest of my life! I have the funnest times being in a band! But then I have my parents, that are constantly moaning about my life, and how I'm depending on the band. And how I should get a better job and do the same thing as everyone else! I'm not relying on the band to make thousands of poundHs! I'm just thinking like.. What if? You don't know until you try! We do try our hardest.. I don't wanna give up because we have come so far! I don't want my parents to be overly supportive. Just let me do it. I know they only want me to do well in life but to be sooo negative about it just annoys me!
Another thing that makes me sad is I hate how I look! I never feel good enough! I have such a pretty girlfriend, she doesn't even know it! I like the challenge of trying to show her she is. I don't deserve her. I feel like a peice of shit next to her, I feel like a letdown and she could do so much better! How is anyone supposed to like me when I don't like myself! I hate this feeling!
 I'm so paranoid what people say or think of me and my appearance! If someone says something I joke at the time and then think about it for like days after! I remember as a kid, must have been about 6.. Someone said something to another kid about how his ears had wax in. That was it... Everyday I have to clean my ears, OCD about it! I just don't feel happy in my own skin, there's nothing I can do! If I saw me walking down the street I'd prob chunder!!
This was pretty deep, its what you get when you don't sleep! I only come here to get things off my chest, it does make me feel better!
Goodnight x

Monday, 14 January 2013


Ok soo hope who ever is reading this had a rad Christmas and new year! Deffiniatly drank too much over Christmas :D my girlfriend spent way too much on me! Deffiniatly got spoilt :) we had our own little Christmas on boxing day because I worked on Christmas day.. Was perfick :) she told me she is already planning stuff for my birthday in march! She said I would have taken you to Vegas but you don't like flying !!! Wah I hate my fear of flyinggg. But I hate surprises! She treats me too well bless her :)
My dad found out about my tattoo. He literally said nothing.. Which means, yes son I'm extremely disappointed in you! Aha! Thats the worst thing when a parent says that, or doesn't in the case
My band has really slowed down, which is a shame.. We are booking up for touring this year, lots planned! One day we will take over the world!
It's currently snowing today and I hate it! Snow looks pretty don't get me wrong but wahhh I hate how it's cold and all I wanna do is play in it but I know 20 minutes later I'm gunna be moaning about being cold :)
Anyway, didn't really have too much to say.. I'm a happy maffew with everything in my life so far :) which probably means something bad is gunna happen! Aha
Here's to 2013!!